During difficult times in life, who has supported you, or have you supported?
[I tried to write this blog entry last night, but my 4 month old daughter, Brenna, had other ideas – namely that she would stay up way, way past her bedtime and then only sleep so long as I held her and nursed. I explained to her that it was Women of Faith WEDNESDAY which meant that the topic came out on Wednesday, and it would be nice if my blog entry also appeared on Wednesday. Oddly, enough, that conversation was the only thing that brought a smile to her face. Pretty sure she is going to grow up to be the speed bump/detour in my well planned out life map. Thank you all for understanding!]
“Family life is full of major and minor crises – the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce — and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It’s difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul.” -Thomas Moore
“Suck it up!” That’s probably what my family is going to elect to have engraved on my tombstone one day. It’s not that I am uncaring – my son skins his knee and I am there kissing it… a friend
needs a shoulder to cry on, and you betcha even if I was wearing a silk blouse, I’d be there… the coffee commercial where the son gets home early and tells the little girl to shhh while he makes coffee for everyone to wake up to, yep, cry like a baby and I don’t even like coffee. But if my son skins his knee and then spends 20 minutes wailing on and on about it, it darn well better be broken (not that I want it to be broken, but I am sure you other moms out there know what I mean). Friend needs a shoulder to cry on about the same old problem over and over again but all she seems to do is cry (not take any actions to better the situation), and you better believe I become less like a Kleenex and more like a drill sergeant. Coffee commercial still makes me cry, what can I say?
As someone who subscribes heavily to the “suck it up” mentality, learning to let others support me has not come naturally. There are a whole host of reasons why, but the bottom line is that I’ve never been comfortable relying on others…and that includes God.
God, believe it or not, gets all my issues. He understands where I came from, what I’ve been through, and why I am the way I am. He knows that I am trying to work on my issues, am trying to trust more and doubt less, trying to be less critical and more encouraging, trying to be less like me and more like Him. God also gets that subtlety is usually lost on me. I am of the opinion that it’s rather a shame that He doesn’t use more burning bushes now-a-days to communicate with us. I NEED a burning bush. I need a whale to swallow me up. Of course, God is old (no really, He is… been around F O R E V E R!), and He sometimes overlooks my inability to take a hint… ok He probably doesn’t forget (that whole omnipotent thing, duh!), but He certainly gives me more credit than I deserve because clearly He thinks that if He keeps sending hints, that one day I’ll catch on before the big huge snowball plows me over. God also, clearly, has the patience of a saint (ha! yes, I know, but I couldn’t resist) and rather than let me muck through my time here on earth missing the signs, feeling around in the dark, and in general making one HUGE mess of things, He has sent me real-life-can-reach-out-and-touch-them angels who support me, love me, encourage me, and question me. The greatest of these angels is my husband, Marc, followed very closely by my two children, Eli and Brenna.
Life right now is difficult… not as difficult as it’s been in the past, but more difficult than it’s been in a long while. I don’t have the answers. I don’t even have what I feel is a good plan to navigate through all this crap opportunity for growth ulcer-causing-caffiene-requiring-better-hope-I-look-good-with-grey-hair stuff. And while I pray a lot, God knows me best and through my husband’s corny jokes, my son’s wacky antics, and my daughter’s sweet smile, reaches out to me daily and lets me know that it IS going to be ok… just focus on today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
I hope that if my friends were polled, they’d say that they, too, feel as if God softly and gently “hugs” them through me. And if they did, I’d be sure to point out that THAT’S the reason I eat all this chocolate! Of course, sometimes God needs to give us a bit of tough lovin’ so remember that next time I go all drill sergeant on you!