It came one day as a random statement of fact about 2 or 3 months before school was to end, “Leah is my girlfriend.”  His dad and I smiled at each other in that oh-he-has-a-girlfriend-does-he-even-know-what-the-word-means sort of way at each other and then at him.  We chuckled later when we were reliving the moment.  Marc asked Eli to point out which one of the girls was Leah so we’d know what our “future daughter-in-law” looked like. Each day we asked him how Leah was, and then one day, for some unknown reason, we asked him if Leah knew that she was his girlfriend.  No, she didn’t know yet because he didn’t have a ring to give her… yet.

On our trip to Texas, back in April, Eli found THE PERFECT ring for her (according to him).  It was a skull and crossbones ring (and on the plus side – the skull had red eyes!!)… just what every girl wants in a promise engagementwill-you-be-my-girlfriend ring.  As his mother, I felt compelled to give Eli the 25 cents needed – the price for this perfect ring.  Eli proudly put in the quarter and twisted the dial himself.  The first try, he got a necklace with some sort of pointy dagger pendant.  He opted to keep that one.  Fishing out another quarter, I sighed… I mean, it was/is a hideous ring but it seemed so important to him because he was certain that he could not ask her to be his girlfriend unless he had a ring to offer as proof of his sincerity.  The second time around yielded better results.  Eli protectively held the ball containing the ring all the way back to the car with plans to ask Leah to be his girlfriend upon his return to school.

That Tuesday, as he was hugging me goodbye, I asked Eli if he had the ring.  He assured me that he did.  When I picked him up from school that day, he still had the ring.  I didn’t know if I should ask or not – what if she had rejected his ring and request?  What if he’d been to shy to ask her?  As I was buckling him into his car seat, I gently asked, “So, is Leah now officially your girlfriend?”  He said, “No, I didn’t ask her yet.  But I will.”

So, each day we’d ask about how school was, what he learned, and if he got to play with Leah.  Occaisionally he’d remind us that Leah was his girlfriend, and we’d give each other that ahh-yes-young-love smile.

This past Thursday, when I picked Eli up from school, he informed me that he was now married.  I stopped in my tracks… MARRIED!?!  I slowly turned to him and asked, “Married?  To whom and how did that happen?”  Eli announced over his shoulder as he continued to walk on past me to the car, “To Leah, of course.  I kissed her on the cheek.  She said I could.  Now we’re married. Can we go to Mix Donalds (that’s how he says McDonald’s)?”

Ahhh young love.

[image by D Sharon Pruitt]

First Crush is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

February 15, 2010:

Eli: I am giving this bell to Jack. Me: What about Payton? Eli: If I give her something then she will think she’s my girlfriend and I’m not ready for babies yet.

February 17, 2010:

Today as we were leaving Joann’s Fabrics, the older (65+) cashier said goodbye to Eli and he responded to her. Then as we exited the store, a similar looking lady was driving her car in front of the store. This prompted Eli to ask, “Just how fast can an old lady run???” (He felt these two ladies were the same person and clearly she could move.)

February 18, 2010:

Eli: I can talk in French. Me: Ok. Eli: Frenchy, frenchy, frenchy, french, french, french. Me: Sounds a lot like when you speak squirrel. You’ve been learning from Kuzco (from The Emporer’s New Groove) again haven’t you? Eli: Maybe. Hey, I can speak French squirrel! How cool is that?

February 19, 2010:

Eli: Mommy can I have some candy? Me: Not until after dinner. Eli (grabbing his Magic 8 ball and shaking it): Will mommy let me have candy now? Here read it mommy. Me: Very doubtful Eli: Well that just means I need to ask again.

(The above quote inspired another blog entry which I will be posting about later tonight.)

February 22, 2010:

Eli: Who is calling you? Me: Her name is Jill. Eli: Is she calling to ask if she can play with me? Because I can be ready as soon as I go potty. Me: Well, this is a grown up Jill. Eli: That’s ok – grown ups need to play too, right?

February 26, 2010:

Eli: Mommy, lick your hand. Now start here (forehead) and drag it back over your hair. And then you say, “Now that’s what I call handsome.” Me: Umm, I don’t think I am going to lick my hand. Eli: Ok fine, but you won’t be handsome. Me: I can live with that.

March 3, 2010:

Eli: Want me to pet your hair? Me: Sure. [He begins to do so really really fast.] Me: Gentle! Mommy has a headache. Eli: I only have two speeds – fast and super fast. Maybe when I am as old as you I will have a slow speed. Me: Oh, you can count on it, mister!

Eli: Can I have some marshmallows? Me: Yes, you know where they are? Eli: Yes! [Off he goes to get them. 5 minutes later, he gives me the bag and says he's had enough.] Me: You can put these back. You know where they go. Eli: I regot (how he says forgot) where they go. Me: (Raised eyebrow) Really? Eli: Well that’s not gonna work, huh? Me: Nope.

Conversations with a 4 year old is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

The first couple of times my son did this, neither my husband nor I had any clue where he had picked up such a phrase.  It made perfect sense and like I said, the gusto with which he exclaimed it made us double over with uncontrollable laughter.  It wasn’t until the recent 1 millionth (give or take a few) viewing of “Ice Age: The Meltdown” did I find the source of my son’s favorite saying.  See, during the movie, Manny and his friends have met up with Ellie who is a woolly mammoth under the impression that she’s an opossum.  While they are fleeing what appears to be sudden doom (the melting of the ice caps), a large bird flies overhead and in typical opossum fashion, Ellie and her “brothers” instantly pretend to be dead.  Manny, not long on patience and already growing tired of Ellie’s delusion that she’s an opossum and knowing that the real threat they are facing is the impending flood, lifts her eyelid and utters the famous phrase, “If you play dead, you’ll be dead.”  The valley they were in was about to be flooded and they needed to reach the safety of the boat or higher ground – that was the real threat, not the bird flying overhead who was really too small to swoop down and carry Ellie off.

Sometimes, I have to admit, I am a bit like Ellie.  I will react to the perceived threat (the bird) without even realizing that there is a greater, more real threat looming out there… like when my husband and I will argue out of frustration over our finances (perceived threat) without realizing that we are using the stresses of adult life to disconnect from each other (greater threat).  It can be hard to focus on the greater threat when the immediate ones are so pesky and demand so much attention RIGHT NOW!  Thank goodness Ellie had Manny there to remind her that there were other things to be more concerned with at that moment… it’s not that the bird flying overhead wasn’t cause to exercise caution, but it wasn’t reason enough to lose all perspective.

Back to my adorable son who gets a huge kick out of lifting our eyelids and making his pronouncement… My husband wants to have this phrase put on his tombstone when his life here on Earth has ended.  We found ourselves discussing just how profound a statement it was:  If you play dead, you’ll be dead.  If you go through life acting as if it’s already over, it may as well be.  It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

I know people who are right now just playing dead… they’ve given up, stopped caring, and just walk through life not really seeing or feeling anything at all.  I was that person for a while.  I could fake it, but if anyone worth their salt took a deeper look at me and how I lived compared to what I said, they’d see I was just saying and doing the things that were expected of me, but I wasn’t really living.  Living involves risk…living involves being intentional about choices…living involves active participation from both your heart and your mind.  I wasn’t living, trust me, but thank goodness someone was there to push me, nudge me, and basically let me know that if I continued to play dead, then I may as well be dead.

Are you playing dead?  Then let me be your “Manny” and lift your eyelid and remind you that if you play dead, you’ll be dead.  Do you know someone who is already playing dead?  Go be their Manny – they may not seem appreciative now but they will thank you for it later, I promise.

If You Play Dead, You’ll Be Dead is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

Eli: Do we have more Spongebobs?
Me: No, but maybe we can go to the video store later and see if they have any.
Eli: Ok, well, um, you stay there and keep working.
Me: Why?
Eli: Well, you know when I said I ate my sandwich so I wanted candy and you said I could, well I didn’t really eat the sandwich, but I want to finish it now before you find out. So stay there.
- December 30, 2009

I love my son.  I mean, even if he wasn’t my son, I’d love the snot out of him.  He’s hilarious and so insightful with just a hint of mischievous and devil-may-care-attitude that makes him adorable now and most likely irresistible when he gets older.

I have to admit, and this is so much easier to do since the little bugger cannot read yet, that I’ve had my fair share of “I want to finish it now before you find out” moments.  Usually, they occurred in the work place when a supervisor would ask me if I had done such and such and I hadn’t because other things had come up or I’d forgotten or <insert some excuse> but I had every intention of doing so.  So, I’d say “almost done” or “just about finished” and then rush back to my desk and begin frantically working on the project…before they find out.  And there have been times when a friend has asked me about something I had said I’d do but had later forgotten about so I’d offer a “just a bit more” comment and then break out in a cold sweat on my way home trying to come up with an action plan…before they find out.

My son is 4.  I am 36 and still occasionally behaving like a 4 year old (and it’s neither cute nor adorable at my age).  But this is where he “‘one upped” me… he confessed to me that he hadn’t done what he told me he had, but that he was going to go make it right by keeping his end of the bargain.  And you know, my reaction to his statement was different than it would have been had I discovered his deceit on my own.  Wow – when do I confess my shortfalls or overcommitment?  Not to those supervisors, not to my friends, and certainly not to God, and He already KNOWS what I did or did not do and why.

Sometimes, I wonder who is teaching whom!

…Before You Find Out is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

…after listening to a friend’s posted clip on Facebook from The Sound of Music, Eli asked if I wanted to hear his peanut butter song: “Peanut butter, that’s what I like best. Head, shirt, shorts, and socks!” [upon seeing my smiling but questioning face] “That’s the end. You can clap now.“

You Can Clap Now! is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

April 17, 2009

Me: (picking up one of Eli’s outside toys that was near the porch) Eli, would you like this toy in your clubhouse?
Eli: Yes, but I can do it! You stay there!
Me: Are you doing something you are not supposed to be doing?
Eli: (pause) Yes.
Me: Perhaps you had better stop.
Eli: Ok… can I do it later?
Me: No!

Can I do it later? is a post from: Deliberate Legacies